Saturday, November 14, 2009

Trust Me

Today is Friday the 13th...and I'm wondering if there is some validity to that day.. :)
It began like all others.. til the phone calls started...
First call,- a long time family friend, who's been like a 2nd dad to me, lost his wife of 10 months...almost 3 yrs after losing his first wife..-who had become my 2nd mom...
.2nd call... my friend with cancer got bad news that they found 3 more lesions on the liver...not a good start to the day...
In between all the calls back and forth, the door bell was ringing... my dog was hours behind for his walk...not good...
On top of it all....in the back of my mind and heart is the fact that my mom is having trouble swallowing...I had gotten another call the night before....She and my dad  have Alzheimers, and have been fighting the fight for a few years now...Although we know what the outcome will be, it doesn't make it any easier dealing with all the emotions, the sense of loss, and the heartache of watching this disease steal them from me..
So, I finally just stopped answering the phone, got off the computer, hopped in the shower, and promised Jack (my dog) we'd be outta there in minutes... He's a very patient guy...
I knew today of all days.. I really needed to just go for a long hike in the woods with Jack, and try to clear my head, my heart.. and have a conversation with God... cuz I was MOST DEFINITELY not feeling that we were understanding each other today...
So many emotions were going thru me, regarding each of my friends and loved ones.. the sense of being overwhelmed was huge...Some days it literally feels like my heart hurts...
I don' t really know what God's point is in all this...so many loved ones suffering so.. and I can't do a stinkin thing about it....
So.. we start out on our hike, and I'm sloshing all the dead leaves just thinking ...
I kinda just let Jack lead.. although I kinda know where we'll end up.. A very peaceful quiet place near a brook with a special rock that one of us sits on... usually him..makes him feel big.. :)
Sure enough.. our sloshing feet/paws ended up there...
He took off sniffing and playing in the brook, and I sat on the rock ...just taking it all in.. and trying to calm my heart from the mornings calls... I sat there and looked up and the tears just started to fall.... and I prayed for my friends, and my parents, and begged God to send them and me a little peace from all the pain.. just a little sign that He was really there... just to know He really cared...I just needed to actually FEEL His love wrap around me.. ya know...
I didn't really think it was asking too much.
Well, if you know me, you know I don't have the most petite behind... but somehow... all of a sudden, while tears are streaming down my face..and I'm having this conversation with God.... Jack appeared next to me on the rock...I never heard him come up.. I don't even know how he fit...his face was real close to mine..he looked me in the eye...and licked the tip of my nose.. looked at me again.. and hopped down..
NOW...you can laugh all you want, but the timing was perfect...just when I needed that love, he somehow jumped up and planted one right on the tip of my nose..
I felt like God had kissed me.
I started laughing...because of the timing...and I thanked God for His sense of humor, and His love.. thru Jack..for the beauty of every day....
But I still hurt
So anyway.. Jack was kinda antsy... wanting to continue so we did, and then went on home.. I was still almost in shock kinda from so much emotional stuff with all that was going on..I decided to try to play some music.. some days music has a way of somehow reaching my soul like nothing else...
I got my ipod, got ready to do my dirty dishes in the sink, while I listened to what ever came on.. I basically just turned it on and clicked on what came up.. this is what came up....(it's not yet available in video)

~ God is it true(Trust me)~
God is it true, that you're thinking of me at this moment
God is it true, that you hear every prayer that I pray
God is it true every time our heart beats, you know it
Well if it's all true, then that must be you I hear saying... "trust me"

God is it true out of all things that your doing on this planet..
Could it really be true, that you've counted  the hairs on my head?
God is it true every day of my life you have planned it?
Well if it's all true, then that must be you I hear saying..."trust me"

Trust me, Trust ME ..I'll never leave, I'll never forsake you, just Trust me

God is it true that your love for us is never ending?
Could it really be true that you'd die, before letting us go
God is it true not even death can separate us?
Well if it's all true, then what can I do but put all my hope and all my trust in You
Well I know it's true and I know it's you sayin... "Trust me"

I hear you sayin... "Trust ME"

umm, YEA.. so... once again I started crying and then smiled,because I knew what God was saying.. TRUST ME with your loved ones, your friends, and your family... I know what I'm doing, and it WILL be ok...

There are days when grief just overwhelms us to the core. We tend to forget in our grief that God is still there.. in control.. that nothing that happens  .. that HE doesn't know about it....
He just wants us to Trust Him with it all.
So I chose to do that.
I know I will still feel the grief..I am human.. but the Jack kiss, and the Trust me song were the reminders that I needed....at that moment...
To keep trusting Him.

1 comment:

Melanie said...

Wonderful Cathy! What a wonderful reminder that God is faithful & just and He is ALWAYS with us! He loves us. It is awesome how He used 2 of the important things in your life... Jack & music to speak to you. Awesome! Thanks for sharing my friend! :)
Love ya!!