Friday, February 4, 2011

For I Know The Plans I Have For You....

So, I know I haven't been on here in a long time.. Lots of reasons...but mostly just been in a funk and don't have much to say.. kinda feel like the music has stopped playing..
So many lost loved ones, friendships, relationships, etc..Just not sure anymore of much.. Feeling like I'm just not sure what to do with my life...struggling with where I'm at...both in job, and where I live...Need to change both, but have no solution or answers to either. I feel like I should be going thru menopause or something.. but I'm not..
I find myself not wanting to share with people, where I'm really at, because I find that I just really don't want to hear " God has a plan".."It's in HIS timing" etc... I'm honestly really sick of hearing that....I don't understand all the "right" answers anymore...Ya know.. God only gives what we can handle.. blah blah blah... Don't get me wrong.. I believe God is still here.... to a point.. but I wonder sometimes if He's stopped listening...does He really hear our crys? does He really see our tears.??
I want to know why so much pain and suffering has to be... why HE allows it...Why HE doesn't understand that I honestly can't take much more of all that is going on..I need a break.. I need some relief from it all...I need the carefree laughs, the joy in life that used to be... So much has happened...*sigh*  I wish something would just fall from the heavens and explain it all...and take it all away...
But I know that won't happen.
So I have to continue going  back to the faith of a child....in all my grief, and hurt, and anguish...
I DO still see glimpses of God's love...I DO see glimpses of the beauty that is still out there...
I DO still hear that still small voice saying..."I know the plans I have for you"....and that's what gets me thru each day...

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