Thursday, June 2, 2011

Which way is the wind blowing?

Ahhh, a nice windy day, after several stormy, humid days...I seem to not mind the overcast days once in a while, when it's been so oppressively humid...
Windy breezes bring cool air, and sometimes change... Kinda like in life... 
Had a few pretty rough months lately... was sick, in the hospital...still sick.. my dad died.. now sick again.. Kinda stinks... I'm NEVER sick... seriously... so this is definitely NOT fun for me...not that sick is ever fun for anyone, but.. ya know.. And Death... I've definately had more than my share the past couple of years..
It does make me wonder whats going on..with my immune system, my stress level maybe.. my life....Funny how things seem to hit all at once sometimes, and maybe the reason for that IS to make you think...To slow down.. to stop and evaluate your life, or maybe to re-evaluate your life, your relationships...
Been thinking a lot...about the winds of change.. that have been blowing thru my life constantly, over the past few years...it gets tiring after a while...there's been so much loss, thru friendships, death, kids growing up.. job changes.. aging..
A friend of mine recently told me that abandonment and being orphaned are two of the most traumatic things a human can go thru..and in stress literature they are the most traumatic events talked about..hmmmm
Hence the being sick so much lately?  Good chance it's the cause...
My changes have definitely been traumatic... and being human, .. I can't help but sometimes wonder why..why so many changes...I'm not a bad person. I try, and LOVE to help people..I want to be a good out there amidst all the bad.... So why? Why so much abandonment, and loss?  
I don't know. I don't know what God's reasoning is, or why He has allowed it. Sometimes it makes me sad... Makes me wonder how God thinks. 
No one....NO ONE should have to go thru so much trauma and loss. 
Makes me wonder what the big picture is, and what His plan is for me..
So .. I guess I have two choices... 
Wallo in my loss.. 
Or try to learn and grow from it.. 
Although my heart aches... so heavily some days for the loss of my parents, and so many loved ones...I can continue to trust that the God who's had His hand on me, since my day one, will continue to carry me, and be with me
and .....maybe... just maybe... I can be  there for someone else when they suffer in the same way...
Winds are funny....they can do so much damage, harm and devestation... but ....
they kinda can clean up after a storm too...they can blow all the debris, dirt, and filth away.. 
I'm praying for more windy, breezy days...ones that will give way to beautiful, blue, sunny, calm, peaceful, love filled, joyful days.....
....when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll..
                    whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say....
                          it is well, it is well with my soul......

1 comment:

Melanie said...

You are loved my friend.....